[The Telegraph, U.K.]

Financial Times Deutschland, Germany

Cheer Up: Why the Recession is Beautiful!

"We, right here, right now, are going to open your eyes and show you the beautiful side of the world economic crisis. You deserve no less!"

By Andreas Theyssen

Translated By Ulf Behncke

January 6, 2008

Germany - Financial Times Deutschland - Original Article (German)

Everyone is whining about the global economic crisis. We do not. Here are six reasons why this crisis has a good side.

It’s really difficult to bear. Every day the same bad news: wobbly banks, massive rescue packages, sales slumps, bankruptcies, a diminishing GDP and worsening unemployment figures. And every piece of bad news is a little worse than the one before. And it is likely to continue until the middle of the year, the end of the year, or perhaps all the way into next year.

This is no longer tolerable. This typically-German lust for prophesies of doom! That typically Teutonic inclination to see the glass half empty, although it's still half full! This has got to stop! That is why we, right here and now, are going to open your eyes and show you the beautiful side of the world economic crisis. You deserve no less!

JOY. Cast your mind back to the summer. Every time you filled up your gas tank, you felt one step closer to the Greens! Once upon a time, they insisted that gas should cost five deutsche marks per liter [one gallon is about four liters]. When converted into euros, gas prices were well on their way to achieving this goal - without any political encouragement. With their booming economy, the people of the Far East had achieved what the Greens here at home had so long demanded. And every time you pulled up to the gas pump, we were confronted with a question of principle: shall I fill up again or would it be better to scrap that 15-liter monster? That was no fun.

But that's all gone now! Filling up today is a true delight. At some stations, the price of gasoline has dropped below €1 [per liter]. That’s a savings of 50 cents per liter compared to last summer. Just working out how much we're saving per thankful is so much fun that you’ll forget all about the recession for an hour and a half.

EXCITEMENT. It has never been more exciting to watch Tagesschau [a nightly news program in Germany ] or read the newspaper (a little PR on our own behalf must be allowed). No, we’re not talking about [Chancellor] Angela Merkel’s dilly-dallying over her "Economic Recovery Plan II." We're talking about the "industrial domino effect." First the banks were caught up, followed by the car manufacturers, their suppliers, chemicals and land and sea freight companies. It's just like the song about the Ten Little Indians . And the big question one encounters when reading the newspaper is: when will the industry I'm in be affected. This is a real thrill!

HELP. It's always difficult to find good staff, whether they be cleaners, babysitters or gardeners. Now there’s plenty of good staff: unemployed car mechanics who can help troubleshoot your car, jobless investment bankers who can look after our young people, and out of work truck drivers who can iron our shirts. Above all though, we can learn a lot from these folks - namely, how to keep one's head above water, just in case we're next to lose our jobs. Oh yes, and we can ask the babysitting investment banker if the time is right to reenter the stock market.

CRISIS PROFITEERING. Do you know London? It’s a great city. Up until now though, there was a catch. It was so expensive there that for the average German to stay at a hotel for a weekend, it was barely affordable. Those days are over! Thanks to the economic crisis, the British pound has collapsed to such an extent that it's now one-to-one with the euro. As euro payers, that means we can now afford a foamless, insufficiently chilled ale at a London pub. C’mon, lets go!

[The Independent, U.K.]

And those who want to shop no longer fly to New York - but to Reykjavik. Classic design for the kitchen and living room, top-of-the-line clothing, used luxury cars - compared to Germany, everything is so much cheaper in this now nearly-bankrupt nation. Unless of course, you kept your savings in Kaupthing Bank. [The now ailing Icelandic bank that has been taken over by Iceland's government ]

SCHADENFREUDE [Taking pleasure in the pain of others]. How those Chinese have annoyed us these past few years. They emptied the markets, making the prices of gasoline, steel and food skyrocket. They teased us with double-digit growth rates while we were happy to manage a meager 2 percent rise in GDP. And to top it all off, they copied our products ad nauseam. 

Posted by WORLDMEETS.US

Again, those days now carry the label “once upon a time.” The Middle Kingdom is headed into crisis or rather, by their standards, toward recession. The politburo has to come up with mega-billion dollar economic stimulus packages. Gloatingly, we realize that even the Chinese are no economic superheroes.

RECOGNIZING NEW INSIGHTS. Certain things always threaten to make one snap. Whenever a completely drunk, juvenile nincompoop painted graffiti a Jewish tombstone, U.S. Jewish organizations thought Germany was relapsing into Hitlerism. Whereas here, we find it a lot more alarming that organized neo-Nazis have been winning seats in one state legislature after another.

Now on the other side of the pond, an argument is raging about whether one of their own is fuelling anti-Semitism: former NASDAQ boss and asset manager Bernard Madoff, accused of embezzling $50 billion. With his actions, some believe - especially among meatheads - Madoff has greatly promoted the widespread cliché of the greedy Jewish banker. Perhaps this debate in the United States will end with the realization that good and evil don't automatically correlate with origin or religious affiliation.

However, friends of spreadsheets and calculation, be warned: Even Madoff’s $50 billion falls far short of the six million dead we have to account for. As far as we're concerned, any schadenfreude is definitely misplaced.

What? In spite of all of these beautiful examples you’re still not convinced that the recession has its good points and positive side? Well in that case, you can’t be helped, you sourpuss! Unless of course, this crisis really is that bad …

*Andreas Theyssen is the FTD's political editor. He publishes here every second Monday.

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[Posted by WORLDMEETS.US January 13, 5:55pm]