General David Petraeus
Stars in Desperate House Generals (News,
Switzerland)
"After the
first episodes of this drama series, we can fully disclose that U.S. generals
are pitiful, helpless creatures, who are utterly defenseless against feminine
charms. At least that's what one must assume after the first dramatic episodes.
... What else, one wonders, could possibly happen now? This is no simple matter
for the script writers, although with parameters like this, adherence to
reality is hardly necessary."
Jill Kelly, one of the central figures in the Petraeus Affair, is said to have exchanged thousands of e-mails - many of the suggestive - with another of America's top military commanders, General John Allen.
After a strong start but a rapidly diminishing suspense
curve, we can say that the new American drama series Desperate House Generals will probably not be renewed for a second
season, despite the promising nature of the first few episodes.
After the first episodes of the dramatic series, we can fully
disclose that U.S. generals are pitiful, helpless creatures, who are utterly
defenseless against feminine charms. At least that's what one must assume after
the first dramatic episodes. What's happened so far?
Just having returned from the battlefield, four star General
David Petraeus drops his pants when he runs into his biographer Joan Broadwell - one of his former jogging partners in
Afghanistan. The war hero, who enjoys the bipartisan admiration of all
political factions (truly outrageous and almost unbelievable in the U.S.) and
is the new head of the CIA, chucks his brain behind his balls and sabotages his
career by documenting the torrid affair on his private G-mail account.
The athletic biographer, already a huge fan of the general
and widely praised all around for her biceps, from which she can squeeze more
push-ups than Angela Merkel can squeeze Euros out of a Greek pensioner, already
sees herself as the future Mrs. General and is unconcerned about the fact that
the general has been married for almost 40 years (and she herself for 16
years). That's why she intends to chase any potential rivals out of the way. Enter
sexy Jill.
Jill Kelley, seductive, curvaceous, and friends with
Petraeus and his successor in Afghanistan, John R. Allen (also decorated with
four stars), is known as a charitable socialite who throws parties for military
personnel, and is shocked when vicious and anonymous messages suddenly appear
in her inbox - messages in which she is accused of flirting with Petraeus at
parties and even touching him in a lewd manner under the table. "Oh my Gooood!"
Distraught, Kelley, who enjoys privileged access to the U.S.
Central Command in Tampa, turns to an FBI agent she once knew and who had even
sent her ….oh my-oh my - here it comes! ... pictures of his naked torso
(SCANDALOUS!). The agent immediately throws all his energy into finding the
person who is threatening sexy Jill. Although he knows nothing about cyber
crime and doesn't even belong to the investigating team, he continues to stick
his nose into the probe. When his superiors order him to go to hell and stop
interfering, he becomes suspicious. Because of his political views, he assumes
that others want to cover up the case to protect President Obama, so he turns
to House Majority Leader Eric Cantor. Cantor, in turn, takes the story to the
head of the FBI, Robert S. Mueller III.
So while things are already brewing in Washington, it is
discovered in the course of the investigation that Jill's stalker is Petraeus'
biographer - and that Jill Kelley herself exchanged between 20,000 and 30,000 pages
of e-mails with Petraeus' successor, General Allen - e-mails that are
subsequently classified as "flirtatious" (whether this is an official
classification for military documents remains unanswered).
Above all, the following question arises: When does a
general in the field have time to write 20,000 pages of romantic prose? Does he
dictate while chasing the Taliban, or does he really have enough free time to
create a body of work so extensive that it puts the volume of Shakespeare's
work to shame? The series still owes us an answer.
Posted by Worldmeets.US
Then, days after the reelection of the president, who thus
far hadn't been informed of these highly-decorated billygoats,
the bomb explodes. Petraeus resigns; Broadwell goes
into hiding as the FBI carts boxes full of papers out of her house; General
Allen, who was actually earmarked for another promotion, is sent to the end of
the line; and sexy Jill, around whom the entire scandal is revolving, is
stripped of her pass to the headquarters of Central Command, where she once stalked
generals.
What else, one wonders, could possibly happen now? This is
no simple matter for the script writers, although with parameters like this, adherence
to reality is hardly necessary.
But that's it precisely. It is difficult to top the
absurdity of the first season: A head of intelligence who has a spicy affair on
G-mail - which never forgets; a general who writes romantic prose as opposed to
strategy papers; a biographer who sends anonymous threatening e-mails; a socialite
who has unrestricted access to the U.S. Army's Central Command; and amorous FBI
agents who send nude pictures of themselves. Broadwell
would almost have to have had a fling with the president; Jill Kelley, who is
originally from Beirut, would have to be a Hezbullah sleeper agent; Petraeus
would have to admit to having an illegitimate child with Laura Bush; and Allen
would have to admit that he's the actual author of Harry Potter.
As I said, the prospects for a second season look bleak. But
let's be glad, because somehow we've already had enough of the whole affair ...
