Barack Obama bowls: our most recent left-handed president.
Jornal de Negocios, Portugal
Only a 'Party of
the Left' Can Save Us
"Since
left-handers, in terms of averages, are more intelligent - an elite (between 7
and 10 percent of the population) - and as the global economy confronts an
unparalleled crisis, a party of left-handers should be created to take the
reigns of governance."
By Frederico Bastião*
Translated By Helene Hill
August 18, 2009
Portugal - Jornal de Negocios - Original
Article (Portuguese)
Much has been said of
late about President Obama’s left-handedness, which has revived a debate
among people who even today, refuse to believe that being left-handed is not
a sign of lesser intellectual development.
If you go back a good many
years, being left-handed was a disgrace. My cousin Armando, who was
left-handed, had to learn to write with his right hand, otherwise he would never
have passed the first grade, as his teachers didn't let him write with his left one. Then he only managed to get a job selling lottery tickets because, as he
said, it's a "leftist business."
Well my dear friends, he may even have died due to this, forbidden as he was to eat with his left hand. That's why the Right
has historically been seen as of and for the rich, and the Left, of the needy
and vulnerable.
In England, left-handedness
is synonymous with the poor, because the rich are “all right” in life, whereas
the poor are associated with “having nothing left,” which includes within it
the idea of being “Leftist.” In Italy, too, this discrimination is particularly
evident, because even today, being a “leftie” is somehow to be “sinister.” In
France, the word “gauche [left]” is colloquially associated with someone
who's clumsy. In our country [Portugal], "left" is synonymous with
“bad omens”! And, as if that isn't enough, those looking for a sign from God
are supported by the example of snails, the shells of which normally spiral to
the right [whish is good] - and are only rarely found spiraling to the left [which is bad].
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SEE ALSO ON THIS:
Rue 89, France:
The White House: A Vast 'Left-Handed' Conspiracy
Azzaman Iraq:
Obama or McCain: Awaiting the Next American Southpaw
In the past, citing great left-handed statesman or
thinkers has done
little good overcoming this prejudice. There's no certainty on whether Ramses II, Joan of Arc, Leonardo da Vinci, Napoleon, Maurice Ravel or Larry Fine (one of the Three
Stooges, whom I hesitate to classify as one of our thinkers or politicians) were left handed, but it's certain that Alexander the Great,
Julius Caesar, Charlemagne, H.G. Wells, Henry Ford, Paul McCartney and Robert de Niro are
proven cases. And it's also true that numerous international scientific studies
have shown that being left-handed in no way demonstrates intellectual
backwardness. [Economist] Gregory
Mankiw tells of a recent study showing that among men with university
educations, salaries of lefties is between 13-21 percent higher than for the right-handed;
I even thought of coaching myself to write with the other hand - it could be
a well-rewarded effort.
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Alexander
the Great, Julius Caesar, Charlemagne, H.G. Wells, Henry Ford,
Paul
McCartney, Robert de Niro: With lefties like these, who needs righties?
However, those who have the dexterous
service of their right-hands are only minimally convinced by platitudes such as
that among the last seven U.S. Presidents, five have been left-handed: Gerald
Ford, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton and Barak Obama (it should
be pointed out that the George Bush mentioned here is the father - no one would
be impressed if it were the son). In the case of left-handers, the scientific
argument hasn’t caught on, and the occasional contrarian observation serves to keep
the secondary status of left-handers alive. It's a pity, but there is nothing that
can be done - except to say that these are intelligent people.
As one would expect, this
social divide is also part of politics, where everything is - as you would
equally anticipate - more confusing. Karl Marx, a man of the Left,
wrote Das Kapital with
his right hand. In China, the birthplace of Mao, there are no left-handers - they're
all supposedly in Taiwan, an avowedly capitalist country, i.e.: of the Right.
But more that anywhere else, this politics [between Taiwan and China] is the
confrontation between Left and Right par excellence, and recent political
history is largely the story of a long succession of conflicts and the
consequent perpetuation of the economic and social problems that result.
Left-handed
U.S. presidents: Garfield, Hoover, Truman, Ford,
Reagan,
H.W. Bush, Clinton. About 15 percent of the population
are
lefties; 30 percent of people in mental hospitals are lefties.
They
are also more prone to migraines, insomnia, allergies and
schizophrenia.
A higher proportion of the mentally retarded are
southpaws
and more people with IQs over 140 are left handed.
A new and refreshing approach
was recently proposed by my colleague Elesk Slichen of the University of Estoucalmu,
in his paper Being on the Left is Right, but it's not Right to Be Left. [No
such university exists - author is being tongue-in-cheek]. Slichen maintains
that we should forget the classic Left-Right dichotomy and apply what we've
discovered about left- and right-handers to today's problems - a new view of
the content and context of “right” and “left.” Since left-handers, in terms of
averages, are more intelligent - an elite (between 7 and 10 percent of the
population) - and as the global economy confronts an unparalleled crisis,
Slichen recommends that a party of left-handers be created to take the reigns
of governance. The problems of Portugal would therefore be resolved by a lefty
who would save us - proving once and for all which hand is better to put on the
helm of the nation. Nowhere more so than in Madeira, where our Alberto is
rushing to make a law prohibiting the left [he is an extreme right-wing
politician. See below]. But he'd still claim compensation for the potential
drop in government revenue.
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[Editor's Note: This is a
joke about the right-wing nature of the president of the regional government of
Madeira, Alberto Jardim - who
is a thorn in the side of the Portuguese government and a controversial figure
on the political right].
*Frederico Bastião is
Professor of Economic Crisis Theory at the Penhas Douradas School of Higher
Education. When we asked Frederico if he's left handed, he replied: “I'm
ambidextrous. I do everything with my two right hands.”[Frederico Bastião and his academic establishment are both fictitious. He is a copious author of opinion articles and his bio at the end always includes a funny quote.]
CLICK HERE FOR PORTUGUESE VERSION
[Posted
by WORLDMEETS.US September 17, 12:54am]
